I have been thinking of writing about our journey since before Lucas’ diagnosis. There are so many emotions that go into parenting a child that is not developing typically. Looking back at the beginning, when I first started to worry about Lucas, what I mostly felt was fear. Fear that his delays would turn out to be something serious, something permanent, something like autism. I obsessed about everything he did or didn’t do, and would try to talk to those around me about it. But no one really saw what I saw at that point, and it was a very lonely place. I wanted to write for myself mostly to process my feelings and my emotions. Writing things out is cathartic and I needed an outlet for these thoughts and worries that were consuming me, eating me up alive.
Then, as we began to come to terms with the diagnosis, I wanted to write openly for anyone willing to listen. I found myself reading other blogs and identifying wholly with them, finally feeling like we were not alone on this journey. I would send my friends and family these blog posts so they could imagine what I was feeling, what we were going through, without having to say it myself. Because it was hard, it still is hard to talk about all of this.
So I decided to start this blog to tell our story. A story that is different and yet so similar to many others. I wanted those who know me to hear it from me, in my own words. Because I am not the same person I was before my son’s diagnosis. I am forever changed by this experience.
I hope that other parents going through something similar with their children can relate to my writing and connect by sharing in the joys and challenges of raising a child with unique abilities. And for those that will never understand what we are going through, but want to learn more about it, I hope that by opening up our lives we can raise awareness and greater acceptance for our children.
But now, I mostly want to write for him. For my son Lucas. Because he is the center of my universe and I want the world to know how hard he works, how proud we are of him, and how loved, and beautiful and special he is.